Monday, February 23, 2009

Vaccination Nation

So according to an article in today's New York Times (, scientists have been able to engineer antibodies that can protect us from many strains of the flu virus, including the 1918 Spanish flu.


I know this is some wonderful scientific breakthrough, but who gives a bluck about a flu from 1918? What I wanna know is where are the anitbodies to protect against some HIV. Last time I checked, it is a virus.

Don't hate, cuz we all want some of that Magic Johnson immunity.

*Photo: taken from the University of Virginia Health System

Movie Review: Friday the 13th

If you can't already tell, I like to be versatile. So in addition to social commentary, I would like to present my first movie review.

So Jason strikes again. Quietly, I'm wondering why Hollywood keeps pushing out remakes of scary movies from the 70s and 80s. It gets a little ridiculous when you realize that Damien has been the son of the devil since 1970 and Jason has been kicking ass since Jamie Lee Curtis was in her twenties. We can only blame it on the writer's strike, lack of creativity, or plain laziness....I'll guess the laziness more than anything else.

Like all things bootleg, it can never be the original. What I will say is that Friday the 13th turned out to be more of a comedy than anything else. As usual, the caucasian characters lend laughter to the drama as they always seem to want to know what is going on whenever there is a weird noise. Please note that black people do not do this. If we hear something strange, we are running away and not trying to help your ass. Scream if you want to, but we give us us free like Amistad.

The only disappointment in the film is that the token black friend did not stay true to his race (with the exception of his marijuana habit). This character (although I do not remember his name, we will call him Deandre), decided to go looking for his friend who had not returned. Write this down if you won't remember it in the future, but Black people do not help others in dangerous situations. I'm in law school so I acknowlege this behavior since there is no legal duty to rescue. The rationale behind our failure to resuce is that there is no point in two of us dying when one would have survived. So for my friends of other races, never take your black friend camping with you. If you do, be prepared to save your own ass.

The writers quickly amended the flaw to Deandre's character because as soon as Jason approached, that ninja ran for his life. He did hurdles over bushes and everything. I don't know about you, but this was one of the greatest parts of the film. I laughed my ass off! Of course it would not have been a true depiction of a negro if they did not touch on his athletic prowess (Free Michael Vick!).

All in all, the movie was essentially whack with some very funny moments. Oh before I forget, there were two very irrelevant sex scenes for the freaks out there. My Siskel and Ebert gives this movie half a thumb up.


Sunday, February 22, 2009

Where are they now?

No I am not talking about VH1's show on has been musicians and 80s celebs. What I am talking about is black people.

After a very motivating trip to Washington, D.C. this weekend, I came to realize that there is so much about black history and culture that we do not know. I had the opportunity to visit the Museum of American History which held an exhibit of photos taken by a prominent African-American photographer, Addison Scurlock. Well, if you ever heard that name, I sure as hell am missing out on something.

Mr. Scurlock's photographs unlocked a door to what was the Golden Age for African-Americans....I saw businessmen, managers, doctors, lawyers, you name it. I hate to say it, but ninjas had their shit together back then. Everyone dressed to the nines and tens no matter how much money they had. Hair done nicely, top hats tighter than FDR's.
Today, what do we have? Mofos sporting pants that don't even sit on their waists and white t's that have yellowed from too much wear and little washing. How I would love to go back to those days of booming black business and a true sense of self-respect.

Sorry to get intellectual on you, but this is really where we need to evaluate what good integration ever really did for black people (this is not a racist rant cuz I love my white friends). This might go back to the Booker T. vs. W.E.B. matter. W.E.B. was all about the education, which is definitely important. On the other hand, Booker T. was all about making that paper by learning a trade. Personally, W.E.B.'s model could only succeed to a certain degree because only so many black people could and can go to school (y'all forgot about those quotas for a minute). Booker T. didn't mean for us to be ignorant. He just wanted us to learn something that would sustain us.

Think about it...Of course everybody is equal and should learn to live together, but when you have black communities with black run post offices, schools, delis, supermarkets, radio shacks, isn't life just a tad bit better? No rolling your eyes every day at work behind your boss' back when you know that promotion ain't coming for another 10 years.

So decades after the Addison Scurlocks, Martin Luther King, Jr.'s, and Thurgood Marshalls, where are they now?

Some African-Americans have been able to continue the tradition of the talented tenth. We still have our doctors, lawyers, and businessmen. The problem is that the tenth is just that - a tenth. W.E.B. had hoped for that fraction to increase, but it really hasn't.
I love my Weezys and Jay-zs, but I don't see a Roc-A-Fella Bank and I sure as hell don't see a Cash Money Car Wash. Oh yeah Bob Johnson is doing his thang, but don't forget that he did sell out on that BET tip.

My look into the past shows me that soooooooooooooo much work needs to be done in order for there to be a brighter, more positive future for America's black.

I hate to be rude, but haven't you ever wondered what it would be like to see a sign that said "Black Only"?
*Photo 1: taken from Addison Scurlock collection at the Smithsonian
*Photo 2: taken from Addison Scurlock collection at the Smithsonian
*Photo 3: taken from Addison Scurlock collection at the Smithsonian

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Today's Bootleggedness

The Modern Ike and Tina
Well this wouldn't be a true blog if I didn't touch on the latest in entertainment bootleggedness (c). What YBF calls "Chriannagate" and what I love to call good ol' domestic violence/abuse....The C. Breezy and RiRi Chronicles.

No one can be sure of the events that actually transpired on that fateful day in the rented Lambo. What I am sure of is the fact that RiRi has caught herself a case of Battered Women's Syndrome (BWS). BWS is a mental condition that forces women to go back to their abusers because they become so accustomed to the prolonged abuse that they accept it as the only form of "love" they deserve. To my dismay, reports have indicated that RiRi wants to forgive C. Breezy. I understand issuing the Lord's forgiveness for the sake of being a Christian, but I doubt that is what RiRi has in mind.

Anything more than church forgiveness is just plain dumb, but then I have never been knocked upside the head and bitten by a man. My only advice to RiRi is to stop watching Lifetime and get in on that Snapped (airs on Oxygen every Sunday). The moral of this and other Ike Turner-ish stories is that any man who fucks you up once will fuck you up again.

Plastic Surgery 3Peat?
In the past week, we learned that the Bride of Usher, Tameka Raymond, almost died while undergoing a cosmetic surgery procedure (LIPO) in South America. Now I am no Dr. 90210, but as rich as her man is, why in the hell would she go to Sao Paulo, Brazil (of all third worldish places) to have liposuction?

So they say it was all for the sake of discretion. I hate to be rude, but the Bride of Usher is very irrelevant in the American spotlight. Don't nobody care about no Tameka Raymond. She could have had a face transplant and no one would have noticed. This brings back memories of Donda West, but we won't go there out of respect for the dead and our man 'Ye.

The saddest part of this smallest loser story is that the Bride of Usher wasn't even that big. All a ninja had to do was give up the fried chicken and take up the treadmill.

*Photo 1: taken from
*Photo 2: taken from

A Presidential Lynching

This is the kind of stuff that makes me grow horns and blow steam from my nostrils. After viewing this sorry excuse for political satire, I dare anyone to say that the America we live in today is sooooo much better than the America that existed during slavery, sharecropping, Jim Crow, and the Civil Rights era.

So we have come a long way. I'm thankful for not spending long hours on a plantation and getting whipped or raped by my pasty-looking master. However, just how far have we come? Long enough to let us all drink from the same water fountain and allow some black kids go to school. But not long enough for us to be considered first class citizens.

This cartoon depicting our President as a murdered monkey is the most tasteless display of humor and political incorrectness I have seen since the New Yorker magazine cover depicting Barack as a Barack Osama and Michelle as a machine gun toting Black Pantherette. This kind of shit forces us to take 100 steps backward after taking only 5 steps forward. Lynchings may be a thing of the past, but this is a metaphorical lynching and an assault that is unforgivable.

So you hate the stimulus bill. So what? Are you the President? No. Well freakin' deal with it and let the man do his job. No matter the crisis, time, or place, Barack Obama will be your/our President.

I'm so tired of people downgrading Obama. I may not agree with him on every single policy, but the task he has ahead is unlike any feat an American President has undertaken. If you want to point fingers, why don't you defame the moron before him who got us into this mess?

*Photo 1: taken from The New York Post
*Photo 2: taken from The New Yorker

Team Black Loses 50 Points

Thanks to Roland Burris, African-Americans everywhere will suffer another setback. I would love to come to a brotha's defense, but I'm going to keep my mouth shut on this one. No black sympathy here.

After only a month in office, a ninja has managed to screw it up. If he had anything to do with Blago's people, why not admit it in the first place and call it innocent? But no. Like a ninja, he tried to lie and cover up his insider dealings. The sad part is that he was dumb enough to believe that ego plus senator status equals immunity swagger.

Well, Blago did not get away with his crookedness, so I doubt Roland's black ass will be allowed to survive in office. I give it another month before he gets swagger jacked.

I'm tired of these men in power thinking they can still get away with shit. Don't they know that NO ONE is safe after Enron?

*Photo: taken from the Chicago Tribune

Weezy F. Baby

I just had to do it. This is my tribute to the monster-looking entertainment icon that is Lil Wayne. Laugh if you want to but I firmly believe that he who looks like he could be Lil Jon, Jr. is the "best rapper alive, since the best rapper retired [and came back]."

With all my top notch education (mind you I am about to graduate from law school), I think that Weezy is nothing short of an intellect. I know licking the lollipop is not quite the same as exploring the journey to enlightenment in the book Siddhartha. However, Weezy's ability to think on his feet, use an extensive vocabulary, and create a variety of plays on words is simply genius.

Forget rumors of an incestuous relationship with his "dad" Baby. Learn more about the former straight A student from the Nolia who loves to bowl by checking out this interview with Ms. Katie (Couric).

Rodney King baby said beat it like a cop...

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Benefits of Being............White

This is not for the weak at heart. If you can't take the heat then stay out of my kitchen because I put it all out there - race matters included.

Now for my first official post, I think it is very important to address one of the most pressing issues of the day...Michael Phelps and the marijuana saga.

Historically, white has always been the symbol of purity, but it is also the symbol of being able to get away with shit that black people would get crucified for doing. I ain't no Cornel West, but I can tell you that if Michael Phelps can get away scott free after being photographed taking a hit from a bong, then Michael Vick sure as hell went to jail for much of nothing.

That is not to say that I condone dog fighting, but what about the backwoods WPs who love to throw chicken fights? Sounds like the same thing to me, but I haven't heard much noise about saving the chicken. Some may argue that it shouldn't matter because we eat chicken. And I would counter that by asking them about the Asians that love to serve dog meat in their restaurants.

It's that good ol' black tax at play. No darkies are exempt unless you can still "pass" in today's society. The funny thing with passing is that black people know who has even one sixteenth of negro blood, but white people can't tell. The interesting fact is that as accepted as Beyonce is, even she couldn't pass thanks to that creole complexion. Let her get caught smoking up. It would be the scandal of the century and the end of Carmen Fierce.

I personally believe that there should have been more consequences for Mr. Phelps, in addition to the withdrawal of a few endorsements. If I was a millionaire and I got caught doing something, telling me I can't do a cereal promotion won't feel like much of nothing if I can still make a living from my real craft, swimming. It's like telling Diddy that he can't run the city anymore when he still gets to manage a record company, make clothes, and earn millions.

I hate to bring it up, but these situations always call into question that Duke lacrosse drama. If the tables were turned and it was a white girl (prostitute, girl gone wild, or not) versus the University of Miami football ninjas, would the outcome be the same? You be the judge...

It's about damn time!!!

Finally...The moment we have all been waiting for - I have a blog! After years of worshipping the Superficials, YBFs, and Crunktasticals, I finally decided to make my contribution to the world of bootleggedness (c) official. And yes I said bootleggedness (c) (use it without my permission and i'll sue you cuz it's my original creation).

Oreo: A Life in Black and White is my way of providing social critiques and insights from the perspective of a black girl who was born African, but grew up around white people, and then re-learned how to be black from an African-American perspective. Confusing? It can be. I consider myself a true mixed child even though I am not physically what Honest Abe would have called a mulatto.

I have come to discover that I have a special gift of gab. I like to describe myself as a conversational comedian, meaning that I have a lot of funny shit to say when hanging out and talking to my friends. As you will soon find out, I looooooove to talk. The good thing is that I am educated so I can talk about pretty much anything, even boring stuff like snowflake vitreoretinal degeneration.

JUST KIDDING!!! Of course I won't waste your time talking about that shit since I don't even know what it means.

Anywhoo, I know there are tons of blogs out there, but tune into this one because it promises to be full of laughs. If I don't make you laugh, then just tell me I plain suck...

*Photo: taken from