Saturday, September 19, 2009

My Man Ye

So everyone has something to say about the VMA's and Kanye's "outburst". It seems that all commentary about Mr. West's behavior has been negative.

To be perfectly honest, I saw nothing wrong with what he did. Those awards shows are soooo overrated and inaccurate displays of what should be considered great talent. I'm not trying to rain on Taylor Swift's parade, but the batch really doesn't have a good voice. If she can be a superstar so can I (and I can't sing for shit). We have fallen into a culture where white girls with no voice can blow up and stay up (thanks to technology).

Taylor Swift's songs are lame and then her videos are extra lame. Beyonce or Lady Gaga should really have won that award. Their songs were obviously better than Swift's and they had hot videos. Kanye was merely pointing out a blatant disparity in the selection process. He could have kept his commentary until after the show, but his actions constituted a more effective protest.

Then to make matters worse, Beyonce was told to give up her limelight in order to allow Taylor some more time to speak to her fans. Ugh again! I mean why should Sasha Fierce have to sacrifice her shine for a 17 year old white girl with bad clip in hair? Now that is unfair.

The REAL Housewives of ATL...Don't Be Tardy for This Party!

It has been a long time coming, but I have finally composed myself enough to comment on the bootleggedness (c) that is the Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Don't get me wrong. I love the assembly of wannabe heiresses and socialites... and then the majority of them are black! I mean Bravo outdid itself with this boughetto mess. The only problem with the show is that no one seems to have money with the exception of Kim and Kandi.
I thought the whole point of any housewives show is to make us jealous of the good life. In Orange County, all those batches were loaded. Same thing with New York. Of course when we get to Atlanta with the ninjas, we have foreclosures, lame clothing lines, and unfurnished homes. What the hell is up with that? I guess none of the REAL housewives in Atlanta are dying to be on tv. That's part of being a real bougie baby. You don't talk about money and you don't flaunt what you've got. It is clear that these biznatches in ATL have nothing to do with old money or class. And for any of them that have any money, it is very new new.
Now Kim's money is not exactly legit since she screws other people's husbands to earn her income. In this life, I can't hate on her cuz I need a Big Poppa to pay my bills and buy we $60,000 Escalades. In the afterlife, I can't hang with that cuz judgment day might be a bitch. However, Kim does have the best decorated house. NeNe can learn from her the essentials of furnishings and making a house look like it actually belongs to you. Don't be tardy for the party!
Kandi on the otherhand is a career woman. She really is the only chick on the show with a legitimate hustle. You might want to come back at me and say Lisa does her thing. She does, but she does too much and that is why her house was foreclosed on. Lisa needs to decide if she wants to be a real estate broker, jewelry designer, or fashion designer. Kandi seems very down to earth. She probably has the most money out of all those bitches. They all need to take notes. Based on the "regular" appearance of her home, I know Kandi puts all her money in the bank. Suze Orman is so proud!
My favorite housewife is NeNe (Linnethia) Leakes. Ms. Leakes is the Queen Bee of brokedown housewives, but her commentary is to die for. NeNe does keep it real, even though I need her to keep it extra real and admit that her and her husband (who looks like he could be her grandfather) are broke. Let's be honest, a REAL housewife in the ATL with some good money does not need to check price tags. That was a dead giveaway. On a good note, I'm happy Season 2 has blessed Linnethia with a bigger (still unfurnished) home and a new sew-in wig.

Oh and how can I forget about She/Sheree. I don't know who the hell she thought she was, trying to get a seven figure divorce settlement. Reality must have hit that bitch in the face so hard when that ugly ass mansion went into foreclosure. Sheree is the ultimate MILF on the show, but I need her to impart some of that fabulousness on her children. They are the only kids on the show that look kind of crusty.
All in all, the housewives are a hot, enjoyable mess. I don't know about you, but I wish Dwight and his tangtabulous self could be housewife number 6!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Black Power!!!

My BFF and I have recently been discussing what appears to be an increasing racial divide in this country that is always mistakenly called a melting pot.

So many black professionals are being systematically laid off from their corporate jobs and no one has said anything about it. My personal opinion is that this specific targeting of the "black elite" is a direct fall out of the November 2008 presidential election in which Barack Hussein "I'm a ninja" Obama took over the White House.

So the most powerful man in the land is black and white people become threatened. People can lie all they want about fearing a socialist government, but we all know the real deal (no one wants a ninja as their President). Barack's presence must be a reminder of days as white trash struggling to find jobs as house cleaners, which Maria and Consuela happily took. A word of wisdom: if you want those jobs back, please lower your asking price. No one is going to pay you $8 an hour for a job that can be done for $1 an hour. Don't be mad at us. Be mad at your corporate big wigs who decided to take all those Ford motor jobs to the Philippines or whatever random third world country they sent that work to.

Such moments often remind me of slavery. Slavery was a terrible period in the past of African-Americans. However, slavery clearly showed the stronger race - black people. White people were visibly too weak to pick cotton as their translucent melanin was not enough to withstand days in the sunny fields of Virginia and South Carolina. Better yet, let's just say that Oladupe the Slave was strong with muscles ripping through his chest and back. I doubt that even the great Civil War general Stonewall Jackson had such an amazing physique. Long before LA Fitness and NY Sports Clubs, we were looking gwoood. Why do you think the little white mistresses of the house were creaming for Solomon and his fellow slaves? Now the black man was not the only idol back then. Black women also did their thing. I mean Thomas Jefferson did love him some Sally and clearly fathered a multitude of mulatto children....I know, the truth hurts!

This recognition of black strength and black power has always been the motivator for bringing down black people. Of course no one could be better than the pasty white men, so they decided to reduce black people to nothingness until they believed they were nothing. The remnants of this low self-esteem are found in the young boys and girls who would rather chill on the corner than read a book. Now, with the rise of a black President, we can see that time for being a down-trodden negro is expiring.

Let's just say that we are heading into a time where white validation will no longer be important. For so long we have wanted to work at this company and go to that school. We should remember a time when black people owned their own businesses, banks, schools, etc. Why can't we do that again? The campaign days leading up to Obama/November '08 were a reminder that we will always have a systemic racial divide in this country. Obama represents hope, but that hope probably goes as far as universal healthcare. We will not randomly come together in the next 10, 20, or even 50 years.

However, as we all lose our jobs and begin to reflect on our self worth, let us recognize that black is beautiful, intelligent, strong, and powerful. It is important to understand that people are threatened by confidence, especially the confidence of a negro. The veil of the white man must now be lifted so that we can see what lies within us. Integration was our downfall. The new segregation will be our rise.

I'm not usually ranting about black power, but the recent unfairness I see affecting me and those around me is hard to push to the side. I wonder what Reverend Al thinks...

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Rest In Peace (RIP) the Runway

I hate to harp on Broke Entertainment Television (BET), but Monday's airing of Rip the Runway would have made E!'s Fashion Police squad die of immediate heart attacks. As I mentioned before, I am all for promoting ninjas. However, as my man Dwight Eubanks told us on Real Housewives of Atlanta, a fashion show with NO fashions is NOTHING!!! I'm no Michael Kors and I'm certainly no Stella McCartney, but I could have made the shit that found its way down that clubbed out runway. Those designers are going to have to work extra extra hard if they ever want to make it to the sidewalk near Bryant Park for Fashion Week.

Also, what was up with the irrelevant performers? Who is Mavado? Okay Keri Hilson is up and coming, but her appearance and Forever 21 wardrobe made her look like a struggling artist. Busta Rhymes and Spliff Starrs tried to do it like they did when they were my age. I don't know about you, but that ninja is overdue for retirement. He could barely wave his hands in the air and he kept bumping into models. Poor coordination is a sign of old age and possibly glaucoma. But I have to agree with Busta, a batch wants some of that Arab money. And when I say Arab money I mean marrying a ninja by the name of Mohammed Fazad al-Habib. Yeah I said it. I'll rock some cloth over this head to have a house the size of the Taj Mahal and a fleet of Bentleys.

The only highlight of the evening was Joy Bryant. Let's just say that old girl must have dropped Rachel Zoe's coked-out ass as her stylist. Joy's yaki and attire were to die for. She typically rocks that bride of Jimi Hendrix look which does not work well since it screams nappy hair/weave and no style. A bitch pulled it together real quick. What do you think?

I refuse to make any further comments about the bootleggedness(c) that was Rest In Peace the Runway. My time is so much more valuable.
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*Photo 1: taken from Black Entertainment Television
*Photo 2: taken from http://www.topnews.in/
*Photo 3: taken from Black Entertainment Television

Harlem Lows and BET Woes

So Broke Entertainment Television (BET) aired its new reality series, Harlem Heights, on Monday. With the greatest sadness, I report to you that the show should have been called Harlem Lows.

First of all, there was zero publicity for this retardedness with the exception of an ad on the blog Young Black and Fabulous and a bootleg KFC commercial featuring the cast members. If you did not get a chance to catch the season premiere, I am extremely jealous!

Harlem Heights is intended to be the older, professional, fashionable, and successful version of Baldwin Hills. Sure a lot of the young ladies and fellas on the show dressed to the nines, but with the exception of the law student, the urban developer, and the chick who worked for Victoria's Secret, it was not clear as to what the others did for a living. Worst of all, you had your typical struggling boughetto actress and a street hustla with an elementary school aged daughter. I'm all for black empowerment and promoting a positive image, but this "crew" of harlemites (I refuse to describe them as socialites) was very WHACK. If you don't believe me, please check out the following: http://www.bet.com/onblast/default.html?chan=3&id=2750&i=8&sub=&itype=e.

The season premiere showed the group watching the November 2008 election of Barack Obama. Now, I even cried, jumped, and acted a fool during the historic moment. However, I did not expect to see the hard ass ninjas on that show balling like little bitches. It was a disturbing scene to watch. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with men expressing emotion, but if we want to cover the spectrum, I needed to see some straight men on that show too. Why did they all have to be gay? You might disagree, but every single ninja on that show was gay, especially the one (Pierre) who ran in some marathon (real ninjas don't do marathons).

So that whackness took up almost over an hour of my life and I missed the majority of the other ghetto mess known as For the Love of Ray J (I'll dish on that later).

I guess ever since MTV came out with rich white kid shows like Laguna Beach and the Hills, there has been an obsession with creating a negro equivalent. Although everyone loves Baldwin Hills, nothing about them screams money to me. When I say money I mean you got a Range Rover for your birthday type of money. Those kids are pushing honda civics and what not. I'm not hating on civics cuz I clearly drive a Toyota. However, if I am supposed to watch you on TV and be envious of your life, I'm gonna need you to do better.

I really think that if BET sticks to doing re-runs of shows like Martin, Living Single, In Living Color, Family Matters, and the Cosby Show, it will do just fine and probably get higher ratings. All this keeping up with the trends shit is not working. Just think about other whack ass shows that have aired on BET like Hell Date and DMX: Soul of A Man (arh arh).

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*Photo 1: taken from Black Entertainment Television
*Photo 2: taken from Black Entertainment Television

Monday, March 2, 2009

Drag On!

Finally, RuPaul has her own tangtabulous version of America's Next Top Model. Hate it or love it, but my BFF was right. Tyra Banks shonuf stole all her style from Lady Ru. The sad part is that Tyra, a "real" woman, looks like crap next to Ru's fabulousness.

Just a red carpet tip: Tyra, stop plastering that nasty orange yaki to your head, but keep smiling with them eyes :-)

Anywhoo, RuPaul's Drag Race is far from a drag. I find the show quite entertaining as these little "women" scurry around to prove whose tuck-the-penis-in game is tighter. My personal fave is Akashia who is basically the token hot ghetto mess. To my great sadness, "she" ended up getting cut early on. Check "her" out at this link: http://www.logoonline.com/video/misc/335445/eric-aka-akashia.jhtml?id=1603481.

Hopefully Ru Ru's mo-dels will have a better shot at having a real career compared to Tyra's has beens on America's Next Top Model.

If you are gay, straight, or confused, I think you should watch at least one episode. Personally, I think if some of you straight guys met these "girls" at the club, you would hit that extra tight punani and not even know it.

I know I'm nasty, but you know you luvs it!

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*Photo 1: taken from http://www.movieeye.com/
*Photo 2: taken from All Funmusik

Girlfriend, stop being sooo into him!


This particular post is for all the single ladies out there. I'm single, but I don't have a problem with it. You shouldn't either, but I know a lot of you do.

So a few weekends ago I saw the movie "He's just not that into you." Although I already knew all that stuff about dating, I have to admit that it was cute. I got in a lot of good laughs. However, I would like to warn you that the movie is also full of a lot of crap.
The main character was a crazy batch who didn't quite realize that most guys blow a lot of steam up your ass about how they will call and how they want to see you again. So she fell for the lines time after time after time. The worst part is that she was the crazy girl who would keep calling or randomly showing up at a guy's favorite bar, hoping to run into him. All I have to say is if most women out there are like this, then now I understand why we all have guy issues....men are afraid of us. The main flaw in the movie is that the crazy batch actually ended up with a boyfriend. Blame it on the Hollywood.

Of course this isn't the case in reality. I don't believe that men are afraid of women. I don't think they are even afraid of commitment. Most guys just like to be able to tap a different ass when they feel like it. Yeah, the truth hurts. So if you are in a relationship and you think he's cheating, he probably is. It isn't that he doesn't love you. It's just that he couldn't resist the temptation.

The problem here is that women are so emotional and all about investing in a guy. Please throw that out the window. Invest in yourself and your sanity. It's time we all act a little bit like Samantha on Sex and the City. Now I'm not saying that you should go and sleep with a random stranger every minute of the day. What I mean is that you should go out with the chicas, sip some bubbly, meet a guy, flirt, dance with him and maybe give him a little lip action on the dancefloor. However, don't have any expectations. He might call you a few days later or he might not. It shouldn't matter to you because what you should be concerned with is you and having a good time.

We get too caught up in worrying about finding someone that we put too much in every person we meet. Stop the madness. All those guys are not for you. Yeah they might look good, but they might also be 32 with no job way before this recession hit. Furthermore, ladies the moral of the story is to love yourself. Not all of us can be Heidi Klum and obviously not every guy can get with Heidi Klum. If you are round, love those curves. If you are a skinny batch, love them bones.

I think the point of "He's just not that into you" is to teach women that you can meet a guy and not be that into him. Let's see how the boys react to that! Our problem is that we are always into them. Before the night is over we are thinking of what our kids might look like. We should just have fun meeting people with the understanding that eventually, someone you meet might be the right person for you. More importantly, because you are so caught up with living YOUR life and are not on a constant prowl, your Mr. Man will hit you before you even see him coming.

Now, I hope Hollywood doesn't beat the whole crazy dating theme to death. Apparently Drew Barrymore's production company has a new show on VH1 called Tough Love. Some whack looking guy (who seems single) claims to be the expert on matchmaking and promises to straighten out some desperate single women who are unable to find love. The slogan sums it up: "before you can find true love, you need some tough love."

Ummmm.....clearly I will not be watching that bootleggedness(c) and you shouldn't either cuz the point of this blog was to tell you that you find love by not looking for it. If you haven't even learned that, then no one can help you.

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*Photo: taken from http://rsfile.com/index.php/tag/cam-xvid/

Octupussy


Okay....I'm all for privacy rights and minding my damn biznass, but you know we have to comment on lil Ms. Suleman (did I spell it right?). In my defense, she has been plastering her business out there for us to savor so it's free reign.

I really just want to go to her and be like boo boo what were you thinking. But then again our home girl was obviously not thinking. Clearly psychiatric evaluations should now be standard procedure when a woman with 6 kids comes to ask a doctor to give her 7 more.

My only question is this: how did a batch manage to pay for in vitro with no job and no man? Even Angelina Jolie would not have pulled a let me collect more children stunt like this and Angie has that 100 children type of money. Besides, we know Angie and her DSLs like to pick from more diverse parts of the world. They all can't come from her.


As far as lil Ms. S's momma is concerned, I'm gonna need for grandma to step out of the lime light. How are you going to trash talk your own daughter in public? As crazy as we know this whole situation is, don't tell us that. Tell your daughter that. Grandma is clearly on some Rev. Jeremiah Wright ish now...all about messing up the cause (get money) rather than helping it.

I personally don't want my taxes paying for those babies. I am more comfortable with the dumb ass doctor paying some child support.

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*Photo: taken from Access Hollywood

New Talent: Drake

So if you are a little hip hopper and a lover of Cash Money Millionaires, you will appreciate this news. Weezy F. Baby has discovered some new talent (and in Canada of all places).

Drake, who was born Aubrey Drake Graham is a 22 year old half black, half Jewish native of Toronto who may be rap's new sensation. Based on his background, I luvs him already.

My favorite track from Drake is "Congratulations" but he's got some other hot stuff with Weezy like "I want this forever," "EveryGirl," and "Best I ever had."

Be sure to check him out with whatever method you use to illegally download music ;-)

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*Photo: taken from www.hiphoplead.com

Sunday, March 1, 2009

The 300 Year Curse


So yesterday was my friend's 30th birthday. To celebrate in style (well we thought we were stylin') we started the night with dinner. Somehow everyone started talking about racism. Then that somehow led to me making a comment about slavery. I guess everyone thinks I'm extremely prissy and incapable of dealing with a hard life because they laughed at the thought of me being a slave. Well I told them. If I had ever had the opportunity to be a slave, I would have killed my master by seducing him and poisoning him with some cotton tea. Now, there is no such thing as cotton tea, but I was talking out of my ass. I digress, I digress.

On a more serious note, I attempted to start some dialogue on slavery and the holocaust. It was too heavy a topic for dinner, so I decided to save the comparison for my blog....

In college I took a graduate course on the politics of race and ethnicity. My final paper was a comparison of Jews to African-Americans. This was relevant to me because a lot of the course materials addressed concerns over why African-Americans are not like Jews even though they had a similar struggle.

Let me tell you why since none of these intellects and professors can seem to put their finger on it.

The top 5 reasons why African-Americans are not as "successful" as Jews:

1) Slavery lasted 300 freakin' years
---- I don't mean to deviate from the significance of the Holocaust, but imagine three hundred years of separating mothers from children and fathers from families. It is a pretty good explanation for the "breakdown" of the African-American family unit. They've been breaking for 300 years.

2)
Slaves had no alliance to back them up ---- So after the rest of the world discovered the atrocities of the Nazis in Germany, they flocked to the rescue of the Jews. Ummmm no one was trying to rescue slaves. Of course we want to acknowledge all the abolitionists and thanks to Harriett Tubman and others, a lot made it to Canada. However, there was no army raised for Negro liberation. I never learned about France or England coming to save slaves from American atrocities.

3)
Slaves did not have old money ----- African-Americans were dragged to the New World against their will. They had nothing. They were the property. To make matters worse, they didn't have any gold to melt into their teeth and therefore nothing of value to pass down to later generations. Furthermore, this lack of property was exacerbated with the emancipation of slavery when no one got 40 acres or a mule!

4) Jews are unified by religion ----- Judaism is such an ingrained part of the culture of Jews that it is a strong identifier for them. African-Americans are Christians for the most part, but there are sooooooo many denominations that no one can keep track of them....Greater Emmanuel of the Faith A.M.E. Baptist Church, the Church of God, Amelia E. Featherhoven Temple of God. I'm trippin' but you get the idea. The only unique identifier for African-Americans is skin color. That has proven to be a deal breaker more than anything else. Thanks to slave rapes and the other racist propaganda that were rampant during slavery, black people are not one shade of black. There are many variations and complexions. Just watch Spike Lee's "School Daze" and you will have a better idea of what I'm talking about.

5) Jews are basically white ---- I'm not saying that Jews have not faced any adversity, but it is easier to get by in America when you have white skin. You don't have to deal with that double taxation. Now I understand that our society has constructed its own stereotypes about Jews, but nothing is worse than that black skin. Think of it this way. If you are white or even brown (cuz y'all front like you aren't ninjas when you really are), would you like to trade in your skin color for some of that negro melanin?

I didn't think so!

There you have it folks! These are the differences. I personally think all African-Americans of slave descent deserve at least 150 years off work with pay for all those 300 years of cotton picking in the hot sun. Just thinking about that hard work makes me tired and what I do isn't even 0.1% of what they did.

Of course this is only my opinion, so feel free to hit me up with some comments. I wanna know what you think about the Jew/Black debate.

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*Photo 1: taken from http://www.sonofthesouth.net/slavery/photographs/slaves.htm
*Photo 2: taken from http://blueherald.com/2007/04/holocaust-remembrance-day-2007/

I know, I know....CPT

Well if you don't know what CPT means, you are really missing out. It stands for Colored People Time. It is also known as Colored Time (CT) or African Time (AT). Basically it means that you are late.

I guess the stereotype is that black people or people of African descent are late for pretty much everything. I am clearly guilty of this phenomenon as I have not updated my wonderful blog in an eternity (a little over a week to be exact).

I would like to take this moment to apologize to all you faithful readers. My bad! Life just gets crazy sometimes and then other days you may not feel like doing ish.

After my mini vaca, I promise to do better. I will update my blog every other day and give myself a break on the weekends.

If you are opposed to this new arrangement, feel free to comment, but it won't change anything :-)


Monday, February 23, 2009

Vaccination Nation

So according to an article in today's New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/23/health/23flu.html?_r=1), scientists have been able to engineer antibodies that can protect us from many strains of the flu virus, including the 1918 Spanish flu.

Blah...Blah...Blah....

I know this is some wonderful scientific breakthrough, but who gives a bluck about a flu from 1918? What I wanna know is where are the anitbodies to protect against some HIV. Last time I checked, it is a virus.

Don't hate, cuz we all want some of that Magic Johnson immunity.

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*Photo: taken from the University of Virginia Health System

Movie Review: Friday the 13th

If you can't already tell, I like to be versatile. So in addition to social commentary, I would like to present my first movie review.

So Jason strikes again. Quietly, I'm wondering why Hollywood keeps pushing out remakes of scary movies from the 70s and 80s. It gets a little ridiculous when you realize that Damien has been the son of the devil since 1970 and Jason has been kicking ass since Jamie Lee Curtis was in her twenties. We can only blame it on the writer's strike, lack of creativity, or plain laziness....I'll guess the laziness more than anything else.

Like all things bootleg, it can never be the original. What I will say is that Friday the 13th turned out to be more of a comedy than anything else. As usual, the caucasian characters lend laughter to the drama as they always seem to want to know what is going on whenever there is a weird noise. Please note that black people do not do this. If we hear something strange, we are running away and not trying to help your ass. Scream if you want to, but we give us us free like Amistad.

The only disappointment in the film is that the token black friend did not stay true to his race (with the exception of his marijuana habit). This character (although I do not remember his name, we will call him Deandre), decided to go looking for his friend who had not returned. Write this down if you won't remember it in the future, but Black people do not help others in dangerous situations. I'm in law school so I acknowlege this behavior since there is no legal duty to rescue. The rationale behind our failure to resuce is that there is no point in two of us dying when one would have survived. So for my friends of other races, never take your black friend camping with you. If you do, be prepared to save your own ass.

The writers quickly amended the flaw to Deandre's character because as soon as Jason approached, that ninja ran for his life. He did hurdles over bushes and everything. I don't know about you, but this was one of the greatest parts of the film. I laughed my ass off! Of course it would not have been a true depiction of a negro if they did not touch on his athletic prowess (Free Michael Vick!).

All in all, the movie was essentially whack with some very funny moments. Oh before I forget, there were two very irrelevant sex scenes for the freaks out there. My Siskel and Ebert gives this movie half a thumb up.

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Sunday, February 22, 2009

Where are they now?

No I am not talking about VH1's show on has been musicians and 80s celebs. What I am talking about is black people.

After a very motivating trip to Washington, D.C. this weekend, I came to realize that there is so much about black history and culture that we do not know. I had the opportunity to visit the Museum of American History which held an exhibit of photos taken by a prominent African-American photographer, Addison Scurlock. Well, if you ever heard that name, I sure as hell am missing out on something.

Mr. Scurlock's photographs unlocked a door to what was the Golden Age for African-Americans....I saw businessmen, managers, doctors, lawyers, you name it. I hate to say it, but ninjas had their shit together back then. Everyone dressed to the nines and tens no matter how much money they had. Hair done nicely, top hats tighter than FDR's.
Today, what do we have? Mofos sporting pants that don't even sit on their waists and white t's that have yellowed from too much wear and little washing. How I would love to go back to those days of booming black business and a true sense of self-respect.

Sorry to get intellectual on you, but this is really where we need to evaluate what good integration ever really did for black people (this is not a racist rant cuz I love my white friends). This might go back to the Booker T. vs. W.E.B. matter. W.E.B. was all about the education, which is definitely important. On the other hand, Booker T. was all about making that paper by learning a trade. Personally, W.E.B.'s model could only succeed to a certain degree because only so many black people could and can go to school (y'all forgot about those quotas for a minute). Booker T. didn't mean for us to be ignorant. He just wanted us to learn something that would sustain us.

Think about it...Of course everybody is equal and should learn to live together, but when you have black communities with black run post offices, schools, delis, supermarkets, radio shacks, isn't life just a tad bit better? No rolling your eyes every day at work behind your boss' back when you know that promotion ain't coming for another 10 years.

So decades after the Addison Scurlocks, Martin Luther King, Jr.'s, and Thurgood Marshalls, where are they now?

Some African-Americans have been able to continue the tradition of the talented tenth. We still have our doctors, lawyers, and businessmen. The problem is that the tenth is just that - a tenth. W.E.B. had hoped for that fraction to increase, but it really hasn't.
I love my Weezys and Jay-zs, but I don't see a Roc-A-Fella Bank and I sure as hell don't see a Cash Money Car Wash. Oh yeah Bob Johnson is doing his thang, but don't forget that he did sell out on that BET tip.

My look into the past shows me that soooooooooooooo much work needs to be done in order for there to be a brighter, more positive future for America's black.

I hate to be rude, but haven't you ever wondered what it would be like to see a sign that said "Black Only"?
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*Photo 1: taken from Addison Scurlock collection at the Smithsonian
*Photo 2: taken from Addison Scurlock collection at the Smithsonian
*Photo 3: taken from Addison Scurlock collection at the Smithsonian

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Today's Bootleggedness

The Modern Ike and Tina
Well this wouldn't be a true blog if I didn't touch on the latest in entertainment bootleggedness (c). What YBF calls "Chriannagate" and what I love to call good ol' domestic violence/abuse....The C. Breezy and RiRi Chronicles.

No one can be sure of the events that actually transpired on that fateful day in the rented Lambo. What I am sure of is the fact that RiRi has caught herself a case of Battered Women's Syndrome (BWS). BWS is a mental condition that forces women to go back to their abusers because they become so accustomed to the prolonged abuse that they accept it as the only form of "love" they deserve. To my dismay, reports have indicated that RiRi wants to forgive C. Breezy. I understand issuing the Lord's forgiveness for the sake of being a Christian, but I doubt that is what RiRi has in mind.

Anything more than church forgiveness is just plain dumb, but then I have never been knocked upside the head and bitten by a man. My only advice to RiRi is to stop watching Lifetime and get in on that Snapped (airs on Oxygen every Sunday). The moral of this and other Ike Turner-ish stories is that any man who fucks you up once will fuck you up again.


Plastic Surgery 3Peat?
In the past week, we learned that the Bride of Usher, Tameka Raymond, almost died while undergoing a cosmetic surgery procedure (LIPO) in South America. Now I am no Dr. 90210, but as rich as her man is, why in the hell would she go to Sao Paulo, Brazil (of all third worldish places) to have liposuction?

So they say it was all for the sake of discretion. I hate to be rude, but the Bride of Usher is very irrelevant in the American spotlight. Don't nobody care about no Tameka Raymond. She could have had a face transplant and no one would have noticed. This brings back memories of Donda West, but we won't go there out of respect for the dead and our man 'Ye.

The saddest part of this smallest loser story is that the Bride of Usher wasn't even that big. All a ninja had to do was give up the fried chicken and take up the treadmill.


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*Photo 1: taken from celeb.wohoo.co.uk
*Photo 2: taken from celeb.wohoo.co.uk

A Presidential Lynching

This is the kind of stuff that makes me grow horns and blow steam from my nostrils. After viewing this sorry excuse for political satire, I dare anyone to say that the America we live in today is sooooo much better than the America that existed during slavery, sharecropping, Jim Crow, and the Civil Rights era.

So we have come a long way. I'm thankful for not spending long hours on a plantation and getting whipped or raped by my pasty-looking master. However, just how far have we come? Long enough to let us all drink from the same water fountain and allow some black kids go to school. But not long enough for us to be considered first class citizens.

This cartoon depicting our President as a murdered monkey is the most tasteless display of humor and political incorrectness I have seen since the New Yorker magazine cover depicting Barack as a Barack Osama and Michelle as a machine gun toting Black Pantherette. This kind of shit forces us to take 100 steps backward after taking only 5 steps forward. Lynchings may be a thing of the past, but this is a metaphorical lynching and an assault that is unforgivable.

So you hate the stimulus bill. So what? Are you the President? No. Well freakin' deal with it and let the man do his job. No matter the crisis, time, or place, Barack Obama will be your/our President.

I'm so tired of people downgrading Obama. I may not agree with him on every single policy, but the task he has ahead is unlike any feat an American President has undertaken. If you want to point fingers, why don't you defame the moron before him who got us into this mess?



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*Photo 1: taken from The New York Post
*Photo 2: taken from The New Yorker

Team Black Loses 50 Points

Thanks to Roland Burris, African-Americans everywhere will suffer another setback. I would love to come to a brotha's defense, but I'm going to keep my mouth shut on this one. No black sympathy here.

After only a month in office, a ninja has managed to screw it up. If he had anything to do with Blago's people, why not admit it in the first place and call it innocent? But no. Like a ninja, he tried to lie and cover up his insider dealings. The sad part is that he was dumb enough to believe that ego plus senator status equals immunity swagger.

Well, Blago did not get away with his crookedness, so I doubt Roland's black ass will be allowed to survive in office. I give it another month before he gets swagger jacked.

I'm tired of these men in power thinking they can still get away with shit. Don't they know that NO ONE is safe after Enron?

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*Photo: taken from the Chicago Tribune

Weezy F. Baby

I just had to do it. This is my tribute to the monster-looking entertainment icon that is Lil Wayne. Laugh if you want to but I firmly believe that he who looks like he could be Lil Jon, Jr. is the "best rapper alive, since the best rapper retired [and came back]."

With all my top notch education (mind you I am about to graduate from law school), I think that Weezy is nothing short of an intellect. I know licking the lollipop is not quite the same as exploring the journey to enlightenment in the book Siddhartha. However, Weezy's ability to think on his feet, use an extensive vocabulary, and create a variety of plays on words is simply genius.

Forget rumors of an incestuous relationship with his "dad" Baby. Learn more about the former straight A student from the Nolia who loves to bowl by checking out this interview with Ms. Katie (Couric).



Rodney King baby said beat it like a cop...

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Benefits of Being............White


This is not for the weak at heart. If you can't take the heat then stay out of my kitchen because I put it all out there - race matters included.

Now for my first official post, I think it is very important to address one of the most pressing issues of the day...Michael Phelps and the marijuana saga.

Historically, white has always been the symbol of purity, but it is also the symbol of being able to get away with shit that black people would get crucified for doing. I ain't no Cornel West, but I can tell you that if Michael Phelps can get away scott free after being photographed taking a hit from a bong, then Michael Vick sure as hell went to jail for much of nothing.

That is not to say that I condone dog fighting, but what about the backwoods WPs who love to throw chicken fights? Sounds like the same thing to me, but I haven't heard much noise about saving the chicken. Some may argue that it shouldn't matter because we eat chicken. And I would counter that by asking them about the Asians that love to serve dog meat in their restaurants.

It's that good ol' black tax at play. No darkies are exempt unless you can still "pass" in today's society. The funny thing with passing is that black people know who has even one sixteenth of negro blood, but white people can't tell. The interesting fact is that as accepted as Beyonce is, even she couldn't pass thanks to that creole complexion. Let her get caught smoking up. It would be the scandal of the century and the end of Carmen Fierce.

I personally believe that there should have been more consequences for Mr. Phelps, in addition to the withdrawal of a few endorsements. If I was a millionaire and I got caught doing something, telling me I can't do a cereal promotion won't feel like much of nothing if I can still make a living from my real craft, swimming. It's like telling Diddy that he can't run the city anymore when he still gets to manage a record company, make clothes, and earn millions.

I hate to bring it up, but these situations always call into question that Duke lacrosse drama. If the tables were turned and it was a white girl (prostitute, girl gone wild, or not) versus the University of Miami football ninjas, would the outcome be the same? You be the judge...

It's about damn time!!!

Finally...The moment we have all been waiting for - I have a blog! After years of worshipping the Superficials, YBFs, and Crunktasticals, I finally decided to make my contribution to the world of bootleggedness (c) official. And yes I said bootleggedness (c) (use it without my permission and i'll sue you cuz it's my original creation).

Oreo: A Life in Black and White is my way of providing social critiques and insights from the perspective of a black girl who was born African, but grew up around white people, and then re-learned how to be black from an African-American perspective. Confusing? It can be. I consider myself a true mixed child even though I am not physically what Honest Abe would have called a mulatto.

I have come to discover that I have a special gift of gab. I like to describe myself as a conversational comedian, meaning that I have a lot of funny shit to say when hanging out and talking to my friends. As you will soon find out, I looooooove to talk. The good thing is that I am educated so I can talk about pretty much anything, even boring stuff like snowflake vitreoretinal degeneration.

JUST KIDDING!!! Of course I won't waste your time talking about that shit since I don't even know what it means.

Anywhoo, I know there are tons of blogs out there, but tune into this one because it promises to be full of laughs. If I don't make you laugh, then just tell me I plain suck...

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*Photo: taken from http://oboerista.wordpress.com/2007/11/28/eating-exponentially/